The House Visit · Visit 3 · Pillar 3 of 9
Who is in your house?
Last week it was Mental Fortitude. This week we visit the pillar most of us lean on the hardest and check the least.
Relationship health is not about a perfect partner or a big circle of friends. It is about whether the people closest to you know they matter, and whether you know it too.
This week’s pillar
Relationship Health
The quality of your closest connections: partner, family, friends. Every other pillar quietly leans on this one.
One honest question
Who have I been meaning to call, and what has been stopping me?
Not the busiest person in your life. The one you keep thinking of and keep putting off.
One small step
Today, send one person three sentences: you were thinking of them, one thing you appreciate about them, and no ask.
Small and sincere beats long and planned. They will remember that you did it.
Meanwhile, on the porch
Vernon has loaded the dishwasher. Paula has opened it. The conversation has moved to text, which is how they handle the big topics.
The First Minute
“You were on your phone.”
What happenedShe is telling him about her day. He nods while scrolling. She stops mid-sentence. He says, “I am listening.” She says, “Okay,” and goes quiet.
What it might meanShe is not asking for the phone to disappear. She is asking to be the most interesting thing in the room for two minutes. “I am listening” may be true, and still not feel like enough.
What to tryTurn the phone face down, look up, and say, “Sorry. Start again. I want to hear it.” Then listen for one full minute.
A note from me
I have spent about thirty years listening to people talk about their lives. The ones who do well rarely make a big change overnight. They notice something, and they take one small step. That is all this is.
P.S. Next week we visit Purpose and Meaning. Vernon has announced that he is “thinking about the big picture.” Paula has asked him to start with the garage.
A general reflection, not therapy or professional advice. If a relationship is in difficulty, please consider talking to a qualified professional.
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